Article By Lizzie
Provision for creative writing befalls from a variety of situations. For me, it often comes from my journey with a mental illness. The voice I hear in my writing changes with the suffrage of the illness. Learning to embrace the person within cultivates my creativity while providing the inner recovery from a dread of self.
In the 1975 movie Jaws, Brody (Roy Scheider) and Hooper (Richard Dreyfus) discuss the dilemma with the shark and their response to it. The scene plays out with Brody declaring “You’re going to be needing a bigger boat.” My monster is bipolar. While my psychiatrist, therapist, and pharmacist together have a plan for keeping it from killing me, there are many times the plan wobbles. My psychiatrist and I discussed this one day:
“So how are things?” she asks.
“I am going to need a bigger boat” I say.
Pause. Then, “Come again?” she returns.
I sigh. “I need a bigger boat.” I retort.
“Okay, a bigger boat . . .” she repeats looking puzzled.
She knows my tendency to use metaphors to skirt around my condition. You can see her head trying to drum up which movie I am referring to this time and then says . . .
“Your current treatment is not working as well as you would like.”
“Yes” (finally) I reply. Then ramble on, “It is not so much that I feel bad, or that the panic attacks are killing me, or that I am depressed and unable to get out of bed, it is the fact that I know what this illness can do to me. The monster comes creeping out of the water and the next thing I know it has attacked me once again.”
I have to accept the boat I have been given and embrace its familiar comfort. As I take care of my boat, enjoy its character, and make my way through the unknown waters ahead of me, I find relief and healing in expression through writing. Whatever boat you find yourself in, it is yours. Providence has given it to you. Don’t trade it for a bigger or smaller one. Keep the one that you were given and do battle with the monsters coming your way. Yes, Sharks are swimming furiously out there. They are just waiting to devour not just your work, but the creative ignition that waits to fire off future products. Protect yourself, while taking risks. Stay in your boat, be still, watchful, and wait. Creativity will come.
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About Lizzie:
I am a professional currently working on a master’s degree in my field. Recovering my sanity has led to recovery of my creativity. I express this through writing. As I make my passage through life dragging a diagnosis of bipolar along, I hope my journey gives others the belief they too can live with and find a voice in whatever condition attempts to diminish their creativity. One of my vocalizations is my Blog: http://bipolarjourney.com.
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