5 Ways Writers Can Get Their Lives Back
June 25, 2008 by John Hewitt
Article by Cesar Torres
I’ve been a writer all my life. By the time I was twelve, I was already finger typing on my family’s Olivetti, emulating my favorite novelists. I went on to journalism, and have worked in an editorial capacity since then. In my twenties I wrote short stories, but I could never seem to tackle my biggest goal: a novel. I had an unfinished novel (or three) glowing with uncompleted shame in a drawer. In 2004, I decided to get serious about my latest idea for a novel. I reprioritized my job, schedule, sleeping hours, workouts and social engagements so I could complete it. In late 2007 I finished my first full manuscript, 145,000 words long, and I promptly set to work on a second one just a few weeks after. I had made a huge dream come true.
All this accomplishment was not without drawbacks. As I increased my discipline and productivity, I felt more disconnected from people around me, like I had swum deep into the ocean of my thoughts and could no longer find my way back to shore. I was now holed up at home or sequestered in a cafe on a regular basis, shunning social interaction just so I could write and rewrite manuscripts that may not be picked up by a publisher for a long time, if at all. As I put in more hours writing, I found joy, but my feelings of distance from real life widened. And yet, all I knew was that writing was right for me. I needed to do it. How could I recapture the life I had before I learned how to get disciplined? Is it possible to have both?
By now you’ve probably seen myriad articles on how to get organized and disciplined about your writing. My advice comes from the other end of the spectrum. This is how to make sure you still feel like you have a life while writing.
Use time effectively
Assuming you are already setting time aside for your writing, you also need to create time for the other things that matter: taking a walk with your extremely attractive partner, catching up with family on the phone, cooking a good dinner without distractions, finishing that Danielle Steel novel you hide as a guilty pleasure. These are activities that help you feel centered and more importantly, rewarded, for all the work you put into your writing and/or day job.
Unglue yourself from the cell phone
Yes, you can do this. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You can definitely keep that phone in your pocket on vibrate for an evening, perhaps even powered down. I’ve tried this, and though at first it was tough, I found it liberating. I now have special times when I check texts and emails or return phone calls. I think as a result I may have even lowered my blood pressure.
Limit your time on the Internet
You must sometimes keep yourself from visiting all the rooms of Time Suck Mansion. These include Facebook, Twitter, email, blogs, YouTube, Ebay and more. Don’t worry, I’m addicted to these sites much as you. You are not alone, brothers and sisters. I too have found myself baggy-eyed, and hunched over, hands hooked into claws like a Skeksis creature from “The Dark Crystal” after hours of staring at a screen while clicking my mouse. I feel your pain. I now make it a habit to keep my computer turned off as much as possible. I have specific times to do fun Web surfing so I don’t feel like I’m depriving myself. I stay away from email on the weekends.
Be present with people
Real human interaction is essential to a good writing life. If you find yourself talking to another person, refrain from seeing yourself in the future, with all the chores you have to run, all the gas tanks you have to fill, the bills you have to write. Clear your mind and engage. Enjoy the experience of being with the other person, in the present. This also means don’t dwell on the past. Have a grudge with another person? Did they tap dance on your last nerve last week? Put those thoughts aside, stay in the now. The world needs you here. And by the way, neither IM, nor SMS, count as being in the present. Those tools may let you communicate in real time, but they often change or omit the nuance and context of a person’s body language, humor, spontaneity in person.
Live!
This may sound like counterproductive advice, but here goes. Live. Booze it up a little, stay out way too long on a bike ride, eat that high-fat content glob of blue cheese, go see that movie with that friend who always asks and whom you always turn down. Stick around that party for an extra hour. Force yourself to go to the new event where you know absolutely no one. Grit your teeth, and force yourself to meet new people. Try new foods. Make your own personal time feel separate from your work time. Live!
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Cesar Torres is a Chicago-based fiction writer, specializing in speculative and literary fiction. He earned his Bachelor of Science in Journalism and has worked in online publishing as producer and editor for more than 10 years. He’s a company member of Barrel of Monkeys. He covers fiction and writing at his blog, Urraca (www.cesartorres.net).
Related links
- Six Suggestions for Sustainable Writing: Inspiration from Frank Herbert’s Dune (0.500)
- Six Quick Tips For Starting Your Story (0.383)
- 27 Things This Writer Loved About 2007 (0.383)
- How to Write a 50,000 Word Novel in a Month (0.383)
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Cesar,
This is a lesson many of us compulsive types need. Your description, “baggy-eyed, and hunched over, hands hooked into claws like a Skeksis creature from ‘The Dark Crystal’,” made me cringe when I think of the times I can hardly stand up straight from sitting at the computer. Thanks for the reminder to “live.”
Brilliant article, Cesar … and a bit of a mind-opener for me! I’ve been guilty of putting a ton of time into freelance writing (which I love) but sacrificing time with my boyfriend and friends. Your tip to “Be present with people” really stood out for me; so often when I’m out with friends, I’m thinking of all the blog articles I should be writing, and so on…
I’ve already planned to make some changes over the next month, and after reading this post, I’m definitely going to make time to “reconnect” with all the things I used to love doing (reading novels, chatting on msn, going to the pub, etc.)
Thanks again for a great piece!
Great post, Cesar. I really appreciate your emphasis on using time effectively. In an earlier comment to another post, I went through a litany of things I want/like to do that compete with my need to write. I realize that my problem is more that I want to do all these things all the time (I am a chronic multi-tasker), which, of course, is impossible. I will heed your advice and try to schedule my projects so I still have the joy of doing them, but not feel guilty that I’m neglecting my writing. Thanks for reminding us that our lives and the people in them are important too. We can have it all
Marie Ann Baileys last blog post..When to Call Yourself a Writer
@Cesar, I loved this post, your humor, and wit. I love your line about the “Time Suck Mansion!” I am already envisioning a graphic novel, which takes place in the mansion, complete with a variety of monsters based on Twitter, cell phones, etc. and starring the writer as the main character.
I also think your article could apply to many IT people I know as well. Yes, you know who you are and don’t pretend you aren’t reading this while simultaneously checking your email, and talking on the cell phone
@Marie Ann, I have a link to an article on multitasking on my latest post that you might find interesting.
Morgans last blog post..Reading & Thinking About Sustainability and the Workplace
What great advice, Cesar!
We writers really do need to be reminded of these things over and over! It’s far too easy to become so obsessed with our writing that we simply don’t take the time to really live life but choose instead to just write about it! Taking time out to refresh and recharge can work wonders for our energy and enthusiasm, and living in the “now” is what brings fresh insight, inspiration, vividness, and power to our work. I’ve been learning this lesson, myself, lately. Yet, I always appreciate a reminder. It can be so easy to fall back into old habit patterns if we aren’t careful. Hopefully, all the writers who read your post will take it to heart!
Insightful piece!
Jeanne
I would be more encouraged to “reconnect” if my friends didn’t spend half the lunch hour reminding me that I NEVER go out anymore. The trick to the time suck mansion is to actually spend face-time with the people in which you hang out online. I am definitely lucky in that regard.
As for the cell phone… I learned the best way to stop dialing and texting is to text until the keys snap in half and then don’t replace the phone. It’s the best thing I ever learned from a 15 year old with a Blackberry.
The Dark Crystal reference is Golden.
Good article.
Rachael
@Morgan, thanks for mentioning the article on multitaking. I’ve got your post bookmarked and will read soon!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have put into words what I have known for some time, I need to do. I have been afraid to get back into my half done novel, for fear that my ‘extremely attractive partner’ will not want to live with the Skeksis I am afraid I shall become. I will paraphrase under the 5 key points and pin to my wall above my screen. I CAN finish my novel and not be sucked in, just focused. I CAN. I’ll start tomorrow. (It’s 1.36am) Thanks for the inspiration.
ABBs last blog post..The Road Home and Inglorious take the Orange
Thanks for all the great feedback everyone. Glad I can be of some help to others out there. Balance is the key!
Cesars last blog post..My 3 Writing Don’ts
Hear, hear, Cesar! Sometimes I feel that I spend more time searching for writing markets and planning to write than I do actually writing. Then, other times, I spend too much time on one of my particular vices–reading the news (CNN, NYT, local newspapers, regional newspaper, Slate, etc.). But I justify the latter by telling myself I never know from whence inspiration will come (which is true, of course, but I do need to prioritize more).
I commend you on getting that “glowing” novel out of the drawer and polishing it toward completion.
Salient points here–thanks so much for sharing!
Leighs last blog post..The Music of Words and Other Matters
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“Baggy-eyed, and hunched over, hands hooked into claws…”
Cesar, you’ve nailed it! You just forgot the I.V. full of caffeine dripping into my veins : )
This is an excellent piece, and I’m so glad we can all laugh about how easily we get sucked into the time warp. When writing comes so easily, it’s hard to draw boundaries, to keep track of time, and to unplug. Guilty as charged.
I’ve got to link to this from my blog because I know there are lots more of us out there! Thanks so much!
Sue LaPointes last blog post..One o’ these days, Freelance Writer will make the list