Top 12 Signs that the Fantasy Novel You’re Working on has Gone Horribly Awry

It’s early in the morning and I’m a little punchy so don’t judge, just enjoy the magicy goodness…

• You just named your new spell Abracawhatever.
• Your young hero is approaching the dangerous cave with his sword out when you suddenly decide to have him start tap dancing and singing Ain’t That a Shame.
• You’ve named your hero’s new magical horse Assisto.
• The head wizard tells your hero that the legendary medallion they are seeking is shaped like an enlarged pituitary gland.
• The evil king who captures your hero forces him to do hours and hours of filing, and attend status meetings. He continually threatens everyone with outsourcing.
• The fair maiden your hero seeks to rescue is in a dungeon named Promises after wrecking her coach while escaping from flash wand wielding paparazzi.
• Your rescue party is told to Follow the laminate flooring road! Follow the laminate flooring road!
• You write a 150 page section in which your hero is wandering through the woods but include only a 12 page epilogue. Thanks JK!
• Your evil troll is named Ferdinand and he’s decorated the underside of his bridge pink with white trim because it just felt homier.
• The part where your hero is nearly killed and emerges from the ordeal a changed man with a renewed purpose for some reason takes place over coffee with his parents.
• You name your enchanted woods Funkytown.
• It’s six a on a Sunday morning. You’ve just finished your last chapter with the words, And then the frog price told him to lightly salt the bacon and add a pinch of brown sugar.