How to Overcome a Fear of Making Requests

Building a writing career requires making requests from people you know and people you don’t know. Your goal is to get other people to help you build your career. Whether you are pitching a potential client, interviewing for a job, cold calling a story source or trying to convince a company’s accounts payable desk to cut you a check early, you are going to have to ask strangers to do things for you. This is a challenge.

It is OK to Talk to Strangers

Fear of strangers is one of the most common fears in the world. Your parents talk you into this fear as a child. They tell you not to talk to strangers. They tell you not to take candy from strangers. A good parent drums a fear of strangers into their kids in order to keep them safe. At five years old, this is a very good idea. As an adult, it is time to put this fear behind you. Sure, the stranger in the dark ally may be a threat, but the one behind the desk or on the phone is the one who can make good things happen for you.

Rejection is not worse than a missed opportunity

The primary fear people deal with when talking to strangers (and even people they know) is the fear of rejection. They don’t send a query letter or call for an interview because they might be rejected. No one likes to be rejected. It is a blow to the ego. In the end though, a rejection is no worse than a lost opportunity. If you pitch a new client and you get rejected, you are still in the same situation as before. You may have lost some time and effort, but you’ve also gained a little experience. In the end, the worst that can happen is usually nothing. Nothing happens.

Good things happen

If you do make the pitch though, one of three good things can happen. The first is the most obvious. They give you what you asked for. The second is also good, they give you something else. They offer a different assignment, a different job, or even just the phone number of another person who might be interested. The third thing that can happen is a little rarer, but still more than a little possible. The person may give you what you want and more. You ask for an article, they assign you a series. You ask for a job and they give you a better job. It happens. It has happened to me. The key is, you have to ask. You have to face the stranger. You have to have the uncomfortable conversation. These are the keys to your success.

Prepare your pitch

One of the best ways to reduce your fear of rejection is to properly prepare for the conversation. Work through your presentation so that you go in knowing what you are going to say. At minimum you should have a specific goal in mind.

Be realistic about the risks (there aren’t many)

There are very few make or break conversations in your life, and I am telling you right now that calling a potential client isn’t one of them. One of the primary ways that people sabotage themselves is by catastrophizing. Catastrophizing occurs when you expect the worst to happen, especially in situations in which the risks are moderate or low and the reward is worthwhile. This can result in a sort of paralysis, keeping you from taking on new challenges or assignments because you can only conceive of failure. All of the negative possibilities stack up in your mind and seem realistic no matter how improbable they are.

If you find yourself doing this, stop and write down the worst thing you can reasonably expect to have happen from a single rejection.

Calm yourself down

Here is a very quick relaxation exercise that you can do anywhere without attracting attention.

1. Expand your stomach
2. Take a deep, long breath
3. Hold your breath for about three seconds
4. Exhale slowly and completely as you let your shoulders and your jaw drop
5. Picture pleasantly cool water flowing from your neck and shoulders down your arms and legs

Remember that success happens too

Take the time to remind yourself about the benefits of having your uncomfortable conversation. Whatever your goal is, picture how it will benefit your life if you make it happen. There’s a reason why you want to have this conversation.

For Further Reading

• Getting Past Your Fear of Pitching
• How To Cope With Rejection As A Freelancer
• Writers and rejection: don’t give up!

How to Talk to an Editor on the Telephone

By Melanie Bowden

I have a confession to make. No matter how many articles I sell I still have times where I feel nervous when I have to call an editor. I’m not shy and I love talking on the phone, so what’s the problem? I think that more than most jobs writing is putting your heart and soul out there and, let’s face it, that’s scary.

I’ve also had some pretty unpleasant phone calls with editors. You know the ones where you finally get the nerve to call about the article submission you made months ago, only to find out it’s been rejected. One magazine even told me ‘If you don’t hear from us, it’s a rejection.’ What are all of those SASEs for then? Or how about the one where I called to inquire about a two months late payment on an article to have an editor tell me ‘It’s been a bad few months for us.’ Funny those months were good enough to publish my article!

The other thing is that old adage that editors don’t like to be called. Well, then they should respond to postal mail or email more promptly. It’s so refreshing when an editor actually gets back to you within the response time stated on their writer’s guidelines. Unfortunately, most editors are too swamped to even keep track of stuff like that.

So I figure it’s my job to help them out and remind them that ‘I will not be ignored’ – i.e. Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. I’ve learned that when I’m most hesitant to call, it’s probably way past time. I’ve also found some ways to insure these conversations are productive:

Write out questions

Write out the questions you have for the editor beforehand. If you get rattled, having the words on the paper in front of you will save you.

Have a statement ready

Have a statement ready to leave on their voicemail if the editor is not in. Again, write this one out. There’s nothing more embarrassing than leaving a floundering message.

Get the facts right

Be sure you have your facts correct. Example: ‘On June 1st I sent you a message via email regarding my article. Maybe you never received it. Here’s what I need to know…’

Negotiate

Be careful if you are discussing terms for a piece. You don’t have to agree to the first price they offer. I’m guilty of making this mistake more times than I can say, but I’m learning. Simply say, ‘That’s a little lower than I’d like, but I’m excited about the prospect of working for you.’ Then be quiet – that’s the hard part! The editor will have to say something and you can negotiate from there.

Keep the kids quiet

Prep your kids before you make the call. My daughters know that when I say I’m making a business call they can only interrupt me if the house catches fire or worse. Luckily most editors are very sympathetic to the kids’ interruptions, especially if you’re calling the editor at a parenting magazine.

Restate the results

Be sure to take a breath and go over the results of the conversation before you hang up. What I try to do is read back a summary of the important points of our conversation. This may seem like you’re wasting an editor’s time, but you don’t want to get off of the phone and then realize you misunderstood something and have to call back. Summarizing your conversation shows that you are a professional – calling back to clarify could label you a nuisance.

So don’t worry if calling editors makes you a little jumpy. Writers everywhere feel the same way. As a last resort you can always imagine the editor in their underwear – at least you’ll hang up smiling.

Melanie Bowden is a freelance writer based in San Mateo, California. Her work has appeared in Shape, Writer’s Digest, and numerous parenting publications. If you would like to reprint this article, please contact the author at melaniebowden@earthlink.net.