How Articulate Are Your Characters?

Most writers are articulate. Because they work with the written word on a daily or near daily basis, and because they have a love of language, most writers express themselves well. Just because a writer is articulate, however, doesn’t mean that a character should be articulate. Adjusting your language to suit a character, especially in dialog, is vital to creating a realistic depiction of that character and vital for differentiating that character from others in the story.

Words Reflect Background

When most people think about writing realistic dialog, they think about things such as regional accents and vocal patterns. Those things are important, but it is just as important to adjust your dialog to the specific background of the characters. For example, people know that there is a Boston accent, but most people don’t realize that the Boston accent varies greatly according to where in the city that person lives and what their economic and educational background is. Not everyone from Boston sounds the same. A well-educated Boston lawyer is not going to sound like a poorly educated bartender at a local dive.

Don’t Distract the Reader

Another mistake people make in tailoring dialog is to go too far into an accent and ignore such things as speech rhythms or word choices. J.K. Rowling, for example, uses very exaggerated accents. In the early books, before the story got particularly dark, the exaggerated accents seemed to work reasonably well considering the stories were fantasy and the intended audience was mostly children. By the final books, however, when the story was very dark and the intended audience was much wider, the exaggerated accents seemed much more unsuitable and distracting.

Unique, Not Extreme

The key with dialog, especially with accents, is to make each person’s style differentiated enough that they sound unique and identifiable, but not so extreme that people are paying more attention to the words being said than they are to the intent of the statement. Try to think of what is distinctive about the way each person speaks, and why their word choices make sense for them.

Some Things to Consider

• Is the character concise or long winded?
• Does the character use words they don’t fully understand?
• Does the character have influence from different regions (such as a person from Texas now living in California or vice-versa)?
• Is the character used to public speaking?
• Does the character have any particular patterns or phrases that stand out?
• Is their something about the character’s role (Boss, employee, teacher, parent) that makes a difference in the way that character speaks in different situations?

Article by Todd Eastman

The FBI agent stumbled into the living room, only to find himself face to face with an old woman in a rocking chair. The old woman spit into an rusty coffee can sitting next to her on the floor, then used her bony, arthritic finger to point.

“The killer you be lookin’ fer is right down that there hall.”

Many writers find dialogue to be one of the most difficult aspects of writing fiction. Trying to include regional accents and speech patterns and doing it incorrectly can ruin your story. On the other hand, doing it correctly can make the story seem even more authentic. There are several things you need to be careful of when using this technique in your dialogue.

1. Be careful not to suggest racism in the way you write, unless that is part of the story itself. Not everyone from the South uses “Y’all”, not every African American uses vulgar words, and not every Mexican is a gang member. Be aware when you are using stereotypes.
2. If you are going to use regional speech patterns and accents, make sure you do it accurately and consistently. If your character has been speaking with a heavy southern drawl and suddenly sounds like he is from Boston, your readers are going to notice.
3. Done correctly, using speech patterns and accents can be very effective in fleshing out your character. In R.A. Salvatore’s fantasy series about Drizzt the Black Elf, Salvatore introduces a character named Catti-brie, a human girl who was adopted as a young child by a clan of dwarves and is raised by them. Salvatore’s use of an Irish-like brogue works well for the dwarves, and allows Catti-brie to express herself in a manner not always possible in plain English. (Although, I always wonder why dwarves have these Irish/Scottish like brogues.) But if every race in Salvatore’s stories had different accents and speech patterns, it would become overwhelming and too cumbersome to keep up with.
4. If you are going to use accents and speech patterns, make sure you make it sound authentic. If possible, sit with or near a group or person that falls into whatever background you are studying, and listen carefully to their speech patterns, accents, and terminology. Even better, get them to converse with you and ask if you can record the conversation, explaining of course that you are doing background research for your best selling novel.
5. Along with accents and speech patterns, you have to consider terminology. If your mountain bike-riding friend suggests you “bomb” to the other side of the hill, you better know what you are agreeing to.

One of the best references I have found for locating and defining slang words is Luc Reid’s book, “Talk the Talk – The Slang of 65 American Subcultures.” There are far more than 65 American Subcultures of course, but knowing how and when to use some of these words can give your story that sound of authenticity you are looking for.

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Todd Eastman is a threelancer. He freelances as a writer, graphic artist, and web designer You can read his very opinionated blog at http://www.eastman-writing.com

Written By Bob Sassone

I’ve always loved a mystery. And not just books either. Along with my well-worn copies of mystery novels by Chandler, Block, and the Macdonalds (Ross and John D.), I also treasure my videos of old “Columbo” and “Magnum, P.I.” episodes, and I always stop to watch “Murder, She Wrote” whenever I’m on the couch, channel surfing. Though I think that she’s around when so many murders occur, that she is either the world’s greatest amateur detective, or the most cunning serial killer in history.

So, for my first novel, the natural choice for me was to write a mystery. Of course, starting any large piece of writing like a novel can be frightening. It can even paralyze you, as you look at the blank screen (or blank piece of paper in your Royal typewriter) and think, “I have to come up with around 70,000 or so words?!” I know that before I started my first novel, I thought that I wasn’t up to the task, that novels were something that “other,” “real” writers did.

But I eventually started. Though I don’t pretend to know all the answers (I believe a writer should never stop learning), by reading all the how-to books, reading a few hundred mystery novels, and talking to a few other mystery writers as well, I think I can help you, too. This isn’t a definitive guide, but it will certainly help you as it helped me. Little by little, the entire process begins to make sense, becomes less daunting, and, believe it or not, becomes more fun.

Tip #1: Just start the novel.

That’s the big secret. You have to actually start the book, even if you don’t know where it’s going or what’s going to happen.

Tip #2: A good, clean, correctly formatted manuscript is essential.

Of course, this is true for all writing, whether it’s a novel, an article, or a recipe column for your local advertiser. But for novels, it’s especially true. Double-space your manuscript. 10 or 12 point type. White laser or inkjet paper (not onionskin or paper that smudges easily). Send it loose in a manuscript box (unless the agent or publisher asks for just a chapter or two, in which case you can go the paper clip route). Word count in the upper right hand corner of the title page, title and author centered, page numbers in the upper right hand corner of the other pages. Spell the editor/publisher’s name correctly. And, please, no jelly stains or fingerprints.

I’ve been an editor, and if a writer handed in something in the wrong format or didn’t spell my name correctly or addressed it in a general way, I immediately threw it away without reading it. And enjoyed doing so. There’s no excuse for that.

Tip #3: Outline your plot.

Many mystery writers (including myself) do not work from an outline for the entire novel, but I find it helps if I at least jot down a skeleton-like structure of various scenes and transitions. They will probably change as the book goes along, but at least you’ll have a base to work from.

Tip #4: First person or third? Whatever you want.

This is always the big debate, isn’t it? Which viewpoint to use? It’s especially debated in mystery circles. Most mysteries are written in the first person, though the downsides are obvious: your hero has to be present on every page, the reader has to collect clues and realize things at the same time as the hero, and the constant use of the word “I” may put some readers off (though I’ve never bought that argument – mystery readers know the format of the genre and eat up first person mysteries).

Third person advantages are many: you can get into the minds of various characters, and you can have scenes where the hero is not involved. I chose first person for my first mystery, because it’s what I write in for my essays, humor columns, and some of my non-fiction. First person comes naturally to all of us, so many first mysteries are written this way. Though at some point you will want to write your next novel or short story in the third person.

As for multi-viewpoint, don’t even try that with your first mystery.

Tip #5: Create good characters, not just two-dimensional stick figures to propel the plot.

To create characters, I’m one for the old trick of creating little descriptions of each character: height, weight, job, hobbies, personality, work history, demeanor, friends, hangouts, hang-ups, etc. It gives you a good idea of what to do with your characters. Be consistent with the way the character talks and how he reacts to events in the book. And don’t give similar names to your characters, like Bill and Bob and Bret. Don’t confuse the reader.

Tip #6: To write good dialogue, don’t listen to people talking to each other.

Dialogue on the page doesn’t sound like real-life dialogue. Real-life dialogue is boring, filled with mistakes, and “tells” much too much. And be careful of “he said.” It breaks up the rhythm of the dialogue, especially if it’s repeated too often.

Typical real life dialogue:

Joe: “Hey Ed, how are you?” Ed: “Fine, what’s up?” Joe: “Great. How’s your job going?” Ed: “It’s OK. But I’m looking for something else that pays more.” Joe: “Yeah, me too. What type of job are you looking for?” Ed: “I don’t know.” Joe: “Me either.” Ed: “Wanna go get something to eat.” Joe: “That sounds good.” Ed: “Where do you want to go?” Joe: “I don’t know…what time is it?”

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Dialogue on the written page has to involve more action, not only in the dialogue itself but in the descriptive paragraphs or narrative that should be inserted somewhere into the above conversation. Don’t let dialogue go on too long without breaking it up.

Tip #7: The best way to learn how to write a mystery? Read them.

In fact, devour as many as you can. Learn from the masters: Lawrence Block, Ross Macdonald, Raymond Chandler, Sue Grafton, James Ellroy, Steven Womack, Robert Crais, Jeremiah Healy, Donald Westlake. In fact, I’ll go one step further: I think it’s good to read ALL types of novels, not just in your genre. Good writing is good writing.

Tip #8: Write every day. Get a routine. Stick with it.

If you are a writer who writes every single day, whether in a journal, a notebook, or for clients, then you are way ahead of the person who wants to write a novel but doesn’t have the discipline. Many people see a writing career as “flexible” and “spontaneous” and “idealistic,” and all the other arty stuff. They don’t want to be forced to write for a certain number of pages or hours a day. But if you get a daily routine (for me it’s the early morning, when the world is quieter and I can get things done), you’ll see your writing increase and improve. If you write a page or two a day, you’ll be surprised how fast you can finish the first draft of your novel (and, believe me, that first draft will not be your finished product).

Tip #9: Don’t edit as you write.

It just gets in the way of the flow and energy of your writing, especially with a long piece of fiction like a novel. Save all the editing for the next day, where you can edit the previous day’s prose. Not only will you get more done, you’ll FEEL as if you’re getting more done. Get that first draft done, and you won’t find the editing and revision to be too much of a chore. Besides, when people ask you if your book is done, you can give them the old, “yeah, I just have to edit it a little more,” and you won’t be lying!

Tip #10: Some cliches are true, like the one that says, “writing is rewriting.”

Nothing you read, whether it’s a mystery novel, a humor column, an investigative piece, or a short story, is published exactly as it was written the first time. There’s a lot of revision and editing that is done. I used to dread revision, but now I look at it as a way to really clean up messy, unclear, or repetitive prose.

Of course, the steps above are just 10 ways to help you do what you ultimately have to do, which is to actually write the book. When you get right down to it, the best advice comes from Robert B. Parker, author of the Spenser books, when he was asked for his advice on writing and submitting a mystery novel:

“Write it and send it in.”

Bob Sassone is a contributor to The Boston Herald and Ironminds (http://www.ironminds.com), and has written for Salon, McSweeney’s, Tripod, iUniverse, Compuserve, North Shore Magazine, and other publications. A book of columns and essays will be released later this year, as will his first novel. Web site: http://www.bobsassone.com.

By Lois J. Peterson

I wasn’t around when publishers signed up authors, then helped them improve their grammar, punctuation, and anything else that needed fixing. But I do know that these days your submission’s more likely to be accepted for publication if you learn to edit your own work yourself before submitting it..

Self-editing takes time to learn, and discipline to exercise. But it can pay off.

Issues of subject, style, organization, and presentation will affect how a piece of writing fares when it hits an editor’s desk. This article’s designed to help you look closely at text, and eliminate problems before you send it out.

Below are the ten most common problems encountered by the editors, book doctors, and contest judges I polled for this article.

Adverbs

You seldom need them; eliminate them by using stronger verbs to create more dynamic images or scenes. Any one of a host of stronger verbs can be used to replace the following adverbs: he walked briskly / she said quietly/ the flags waved lazily / the children played happily.

Adverbs used alongside a strong verb are doubly redundant. In she tugged sharply, and he hesitated briefly, the adverb repeats the idea already implied by the verb. The word hesitate implies brevity; tug is itself a sharp action.

To track down adverbs in your work, set the ‘find’ function of your word processor to catch anything ending with ‘ly’, then replace the associated verb with a stronger one and eliminate the adverb. Keep count of how many adverbs you find in each piece, and aim to reduce their occurrence in subsequent work.

Clichés

These arise in ideas and scenarios, as well as in language. Could the neighbor not borrow something other than a cup of sugar? Are there only spiteful nuns at the child’s convent school? The use of a mirror to reflect a character’s appearance has become clichéd, as have stories that end with a protagonist waking from a dream.

I used to think that clichés are acceptable only in characters’ mouths. I’ve since come to believe that characters should only use them if they’re unoriginal thinkers with no other way of expressing themselves. But the question arises – can a writer not convey lack of originality in an original way, rather than resorting to clichés?

Contractions / possessives / plurals

One editor says she sees contractions, possessives, and plurals misused so often she ignores them, and fixes them later. A contest judge tells me that if there’s more than one such error in the first page he’s unlikely to bother with the rest of the piece Your best bet is to write for the contest judge, and be relieved if a permissive editor catches you out.

If you’re confused between its and it’s, consider this—the possessives his, hers, theirs, ours and yours do not have an apostrophe. Its is just another possessive. It doesn’t need one either.

But contractions do. It is a hot day becomes it’s a hot day, in the same way that She was not unhappy contracts to she wasn’t unhappy.

Plurals are easy. They never need apostrophes.

Seven dogs are in the yard and the black one is scratching its leg. My dog’s asleep at home, just about covers it.

Repetition

Watch out for words repeated too closely on a page. Then, either change them or move them. If you leave them where they are, make sure it’s for a reason—for emphasis, irony, or to underline the meaning of the phrase or sentence.

In one draft of a recent story, I repeated the phrase she took his arm five times. Although the story was about an elderly man attended by female caregivers, I revised the piece so the reader would not be distracted by the repetitions, or worse still, start looking for the phrase’s next occurrence. I’m always alert to references of flying wedge haircuts and French heels on Ed McBain’s women. Somehow he gets away with slipping them into every novel, often more than a few times in each. But you might not want your readers to play ‘find the verbal tic’ with your work.

The repetition of ideas can contribute to ‘too much tell, not enough show’.

Junk Unlimited’s CEO has a tidy office. Paper clips are ranged in military fashion around the magnetic holder. The few papers on his wide mahogany desk are placed edge to edge, and the phone sits right up against the desk’s beveled corner. The idea expressed in the first phrase is repeated through description. We know this guy’s tidy by what we’re shown, without the reader needing to tell us.

Passive voice

It recently came to my attention that an article was published claiming that the passive voice is not so bad. I forget where or by whom, and from the way I wrote that first sentence, you can’t tell either.

The passive voice, in which an action is not directly attributed to a subject, is often used in business communications. All cars parked in the forecourt will be towed away might not be as confrontational as a sign that reads, The manager will tow away John Bloom’s car if he dares to leave it parked outside the front door again. However, the second version lends a more dramatic tone to the warning, and might get prompter action. If you want to involve your readers, use the active voice so they can tell who’s doing what to whom.

The only time you might need to use the passive voice is when your intention is to convey disassociation from an act or situation.

Punctuation

I overuse commas, and often only know how many is too many when I read the piece aloud. Lots of people misuse semi-colons. When does a period fall inside quotation marks, and when does it fall outside? These and other fine points of punctuation are discussed and explained in a number of books on grammar and writing. Some are listed in a sidebar, here. Learn the right rules of punctuation and use them.

Redundancies

My favorite is the man put his hat on his head. Where else would he put it? Now, if he put it on his elbow…

The Writer’s Digest website once posted an impressive list of redundancies that included phrases such as circle around, never before, young baby, raining outside, future plan, gather together. See how many you slip into your writing without noticing. You’ll produce tighter, more compelling work if you learn to edit out redundancies as you go, especially the ones you don’t need.

Speech tags

One sign of amateur writing is excessive use of dialogue tags such as he explained / she retorted/he cried / she replied / they begged. The good old he said / she said are discreet and non-intrusive. A writer’s obligation is to convey mood, tone, and meaning through the dialogue itself, rather than depending on tags.

If these simple tags sound repetitive, try leaving speech unattributed when the speaker’s identity is clear. Or use a combination of dialogue/action to convey who said what and why.

“Get down from there.” Mary grabbed Jean’s arm and dragged her down from the monkey bars, works here without any attribution.

Weak verbs

Oregon editor and critique group leader Elizabeth Lyon’s best advice is to avoid using weak verbs in power positions.

The weakest phrases are those that employ variations of the verb ‘to be’. These include there were/there are/it is/it was. Power positions occur at the beginning and end of books, chapters, paragraphs and sentences – the doorways that meet, greet, and send readers on their way.

There were four people sitting at the dining room table when George walked into the room. He’d never seen them before, might be more powerfully written as Four strangers looked up from the table when George walked into his dining room.

Minnie Howes dropped dead over her Sunday bowl of porridge has more dramatic impact than It was Sunday morning when Minnie Howes dropped dead over her bowl of porridge. There are, however, times when weaker verbs are used with good reason. It was Sunday Morning when Minnie Howes dropped dead over her bowl of porridge, and Thursday afternoon when her body was discovered by the gardener peering through the window, tells a different story.

Spelling and word use

It’s all very well to spell check a piece of writing, but don’t expect it to catch everything. I recently wrestled with the spelling of recognizance. I was so pleased to get it right that it took a better editor than me to point out that the word I wanted was reconnaissance. If you don’t know the difference between their and there, heirs and hairs, the spellchecker isn’t much help.

An old proofreading trick is to read a piece backwards, one word at a time. This forces you to consider every word out of context, helping you identify errors, or find more appropriate words.

And don’t use the first word that comes to mind. Good diction makes for better writing.

These are not the only elements you should monitor as you develop your self-editing skills. But you can use these as a base on which to build your own checklist, adding weaknesses that re-occur in your writing, and things that others point out when they review your work.

Then check your writing against it as you work to make your writing the best it can be.

The editor will thank you.

Lois J. Peterson’s stories and articles have published essays in a wide range of magazines and newspapers. She is coordinator of the Surrey Creative Writing Program in British Columbia, and has recently published ’101 Writing Exercises To Get You Started and Keep You Going’, available by contacting her at ljp@globalserve.net