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How to tell if your Project Manager is an Insane Moron

Based on a true story…

You are working as a technical writer on a project that has gone horribly and quite predictably wrong. The original sizing for the project was for five technical writers. Your project was given three. One of the three was fired and the other one quit. You are now all that’s left and the project is overdue. Whose fault is this? It’s yours of course! You’re the lead technical writer. You weren’t the lead originally, that was the guy who quit, but you are “in charge” now and that makes everything your fault – right? Well, it is if you’ve got an insane moron for a project manager. Here are a few more signs that you’ve got an insane moron for a project manager.

• The PM holds a weekly status report meeting, and then emails you the next day to check on your status.
• The PM likes to play motivational music at the beginning of the status meeting – either Eye of the Tiger or The Final Countdown, depending on the project status.
• The PM asks you to take the meeting minutes because, “You’re the writer.”
• The PM constantly repeats the mantra “faster, better, cheaper” but has never heard of the book.
• The PM asks, “All you have to do is write stuff down. Why does that take so long?”
• When you tell the PM that the project can’t be done with the available resources the PM says, “I need you to be a team player on this.”
• When your co-workers quit, the PM assigns their tasks to the next person on the Excel spreadsheet.
• When the project that doesn’t have enough resources goes into Red Status, the PM asks, “What can we do to fix this?” When you tell them that you need more resources the PM asks, “Isn’t there something else we can do?”
• The PM assigns you two tasks with the same deadline and tells you that Task One is the highest priority – then calls you every day to check on Task Two.
• The PM schedules you for three meetings the day before your deadline.
• The PM schedules user testing for two weeks after the documentation is due. Doesn’t understand why you would want that sort of thing in advance.
• The PM urges you to think outside the box. He then demonstrates by getting into and out of a box.
• The PM “stops by” at five minutes to five, “Just to check on how things are going.” He proceeds to stick around for an hour looking for signs that you were actually thinking of going home.
• The PM disappears for a week without notice, then comes back feeling “rested” only to disappear again the next day – never to be seen again.