I heard you were sick before,
but I never understood
why they said you were fighting in a war,
I thought you would be there forever,
Never thought you’d leave us so soon.
I still found it hard to believe,
even after they told me late that afternoon.

I did’nt like the fact, that I would never see you again
Or that the last time I had seen you,
I just sat there and stared
At your fragile looking body,
an you oh so lack of hair.
and never said a word,
Never even cared.

and when it came time,
to say our final goodbyes
in the ol’ funeral parlor,
I wanted to stay home,
and enjoy my weekend off
But my mother forced me to go.

When we arrived, we all formed a stright line
First of course was your wife,
As she ran to your side.
Everyone in the room began to cry,
as she sobed out her last goodbye.
I just stood there, silent.
I had nothing to say,
no comforting words,
grieving or prey.

We drive in silence to your final resting place.
but when we arrive I see the hole
and my eyes become misty, as you
and your coffin are slowly being lowered in the ground
as the soldiers play their song,
And the sobs all get louder, as they lose their self control
and I still stand there, silent
holding back my tears.

They all say to be happy
cause now your finally free.
I don’t know if you made it,
or if you can see us with your own two eyes
but I hope you know this dear, dear uncle
Im just not good at saying goodbye.

pain surrounds you day to day
nothing helps it go away
pain in muscles pain in joints
pain so bad in trigger points.

pain that comes and pain that goes
pain that keeps you on your toes.
pain that people think is in your head.

pain that people don’t know
when you sit in your bed wishing you were dead
pain that they will have to go through
pain they will have to see.
what it took to just be me.

pain I go through just at school
pain I wish will make me cool
pain that they will never see what it took to just be me

pain in your life
that makes you strive
to just survive

pain that it took
To just be me
pain i go through.
but people can’t see.

(a poem by leticia starkey)

Causing me to take pills till it fills up my veins

I go to sleep never to wake up and see the light

The light that will end my pain for good!

A fingerprint card, some transcripts, some dispute
And then the License came to Substitute.
And then the call came, then the open door,

And then Miss Chambers’ class, Room 24.
The kids were bubbly, laughy, full of cheer,
And I called roll beneath a calm veneer,

And then I stumbled, and they got suspicious,
Then the Do Bees morphed into Pernicious,
And puddled sweat drained down into my ear,

And decades later, finely Free and Clear,
I signed the time card, lurched toward the rear–
“Hi, Mr. B!” –I Grinned from Ear to Ear.

I unplugged my computer
My monitor
My mouse
Locked them in the trunk
Before I started on the rest
Just in case

I had a couple dozen books
Some DVDs
My Tivo
Those went next

I kept clenching my hands

The bed wasn’t mine
Not the TV or the stand either
I had a big metal rack
But I left it

As I started gathering my clothes
I heard wheels stopping short on the gravel
A cousin had come to watch me go
To make sure I left
He was friendly but watchful
An insurance policy against my potential
Theft or destruction or whatever

I piled my clothes into the back seat
And went to the kitchen for my prized milkshake maker
I left my plates and bowls
I left my silverware
I left everything I could leave

I got into my car
Watched as the cousin locked the door
Backed out of the driveway
And headed west

Eventually some of my assorted
Leftover
Crap
Would find me through family
A big box that I tossed in the trashbin
Without really looking