Negative Self Talk for Writers: Right stepping
August 6, 2008 by John Hewitt
Right stepping occurs when you decide that your opinions and actions are the right ones and that you must continually prove this to others. You feel a constant pressure to be correct and will stand by your view at any cost. For writers, this often occurs when working on group projects. It can be an issue for people who feel that grammar and usage rules must be absolute. It can also creep into the writing of anyone who takes on issues, especially controversial ones. Right stepping is very prevalent in political blogging, as people feel that they need to not only prove that they are completely right but also prove that anyone who opposes them is either a crook or a fool.
Here is an example of right stepping:
Poor self talk: I can’t believe you are sucking on a lollipop! The lollipop must be outlawed. It’s a choking hazard. It’s fattening. It leads to oral fixations and pervasions. Sucking on a lollipop is a gateway to smoking and other social ills. The stick can be used as a weapon to poke other people’s eyes out. Those ecstasy addled kids at the raves are always sucking on lollipops. Clearly the lollipop is at the heart of our moral degeneration. It must be stopped. Anyone who disagrees with me is either a lollipop sucking degenerate or a shill for the candy industry.
Realistic self talk: I can’t believe you are sucking on a lollipop. Those things are bad for you. Oh well, I guess they are tasty. They aren’t right for me, but I can accept that other people like them. Live and let live. Just don’t poke yourself in the eye.
Some ways to avoid right stepping:
- Try to think of the reasons why someone might disagree with you
- Accept that many things are a matter of personal taste
- Understand that there can be more than one solution to a problem
- Ask yourself whether or not proving the other person wrong is worth the risks of hurt feelings and animosity, even if you are right
Note: The terminology I am using from an excellent textbook called Stress Management for Wellness by Walt Schafer
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Related links
- 4-Hour Work Week: Lessons for Writers (0.500)
- How to be a Productive Writer (0.500)
- Seven Powerful Tips for Maximizing Your Freelance Writing Business (0.500)
- Are You Determined Enough to be a Freelance Writer? (0.500)
- 5 Ways Writers Can Get Their Lives Back (0.500)
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@ All,
I know the lollipop rant isn’t really about writing, but I have been waiting to give that speech for a while.
John,
I love the lollipop rant! Lots of people rant seriously about things just as ridiculous.
Yeah, actually I think that it is a big part of business for you to self-introspect rather than sit down thinking of making everyone happy. Everyone has a different taste, and we cannot make everyone happy at the same time.
- Swastik -
that’s funny, i don’t think i do this in my writing but I do do it when speaking.
The temptation to right step is a difficult one to suppress. I think an exaggerated need to assert one’s own view as correct (and therefore reject the views of others) must be driven by an unconscious desire for approval or acceptance from a peer group so that one can lead the group. If it derives from an instinctive Darwinian requirement to establish status, it’s bound to re-emerge if suppressed.
@ Lillie
Don’t ignore the dangers of Lollipops.
@ Swastik
Self knowledge is a lovely thing.
@ DCSF
Thats why it’s called self talk
@ Ewan
Dawin … peer groups … unconscious desires… You just blew my mind!
very interesting post. It’s interesting to see how you can put a positive spin onto a negative method – certainbly gave me some things to think about for writing stuff on my blogs
jackies last blog post..Don’t smoke, you wretch on the ash-covered road to ruin