Negative Self Talk for Writers: Polarized thinking
August 3, 2008 by John Hewitt
Polarized thinking occurs when you believe that there are only right or wrong outcomes or views. When you view things in terms of pure good or pure bad it leads to unachievable standards and high stress levels. For writers, polarized thinking crops up when you find yourself basing your hopes and expectations on a single event or outcome such as a publication accepting your work, universally good reviews, a specific level of income, or even a certain level of satisfaction.
Here is an example of polarized thinking:
Poor self talk: Finishing this book of poetry is going to finally make me happy as a writer. It will prove that I am a real writer. Every poem has to be my best work though. I can’t include any poems that I’m not completely satisfied with. The whole book has to be great from cover to cover. I want each poem to be a unique and special experience so that no one can come way without loving this book. Then, I will finally be happy as a writer.
Realistic self talk: Finishing this book of poetry will be a great achievement for me, but it isn’t the sole justification for calling myself a writer. I’ve been sweating and fretting over these poems for a long time. I would love to say I’m completely satisfied, but that seems unrealistic. I like all of my poems, but if I waited until I loved each and every poem, I would probably never finish. I hope that other people like my work, but poetry is personal, and I know that some people will like it more than others.
Some ways to avoid polarized thinking:
- Realize that there are a lot of levels between triumph and tragedy, and that most things fall somewhere in between
- Understand that no single accomplishment or failure is going to determine your future happiness.
- Don’t expect that your values will never change or that other people will value the same things.
- Try to figure out about what the actual consequences of failure are, and have a plan for dealing with those consequences.
Note: The terminology I am using from an excellent textbook called Stress Management for Wellness by Walt Schafer
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Related links
- 4-Hour Work Week: Lessons for Writers (0.500)
- How to be a Productive Writer (0.500)
- Seven Powerful Tips for Maximizing Your Freelance Writing Business (0.500)
- Are You Determined Enough to be a Freelance Writer? (0.500)
- 5 Ways Writers Can Get Their Lives Back (0.500)
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“Understand that no single accomplishment or failure is going to determine your future happiness.” Great advice, as ever John. Happiness is what you feel, when you reach a state of acceptance of things as they are, instead of a constant struggle to find it. – If anyone wants a mini accomplishment, pop over and join in my 100 word bookmark competition, just for fun.-
ABBs last blog post..What’s your story? Bookmark me, and win!
The best of us are often negative.
The worst of us are often good.
This is good… polarized thinking is something we all should avoid because it’s not productive.
I tend to associate polarized thinking with the young who haven’t had their idealistic views of the world tempered by the reality of harsh experience. However, polarized thinking can be very useful in decision-making by forcing one to view things as black and white which drives out woolly thinking. I like the comment about considering the consequences. When faced with a tough decision, I always ask myself “what’s the worst that can happen?”. Once you’ve realised you can handle the worst outcome, you can forge ahead with boundless confidence.
@ ABB
I find that happiness is an emotion that occurs independently of success and failure.
@ Terry
Very true
@ Contempo
… or healthy.
@ Ewan
I ran into someone yesterday who had convinced himself there was no way out of his dilemma. The solution seemed simple to me, but he could only think in all or nothing terms. His fear of the worst case was far too great to overcome.
I see your point John and agree. My method only works where you hadn’t previously considered the worst case. If you have onsidered it and still can’t move forward, you need a different technique.
[...] Polarized Thinking [...]
Walt Schafer’s textbook “Stress Management for Wellness” it’s a great book. Thank you.
Positive Thinkings last blog post..Positive Affirmations – Create a Better Life