Negative Self Talk for Writers: Perfectionism
July 30, 2008 by J.C. Hewitt
Perfectionism occurs when you hold yourself or others up to unreasonably high standards. Most people have heard of perfectionism, but many people don’t understand that perfectionism applies to both what they think of themselves and what they think of others. Expecting other people to live up to high standards that you set for them, often without their knowledge, will almost always end in frustration. For writers the problem often comes when you expect your writing to be perfect, your clients to be perfect, or your editor to be perfect.
Here is an example of perfectionism:
Poor self talk: My editor must be incompetent. Her last email had not one, but two split infinitives. She also ended the letter with, “See ya!” That just doesn’t make any sense. She lives in California. I’ll probably never see her in my life. How can she call herself an editor? I don’t think I can work with her.
Realistic self talk: This editor has a casual writing style. I’m used to editors who are formal and precise. I am reading an email though. It isn’t a formal communication. Also, this is Surf N’ Beach magazine. There isn’t a single fully clothed person in it. Perhaps a more casual style is in order. I guess I’ll try this “chilling out” thing that all the kids are talking about these days.
Some ways to avoid perfectionism
- Realize that all people are fallible, including yourself
- Having standards is fine, but be sure that your standards are reasonable
- Ask yourself if the other person knows your standards or would expect to live up to them
- When you or someone else fails to live up to your standards, ask yourself what benefit will come from getting upset about it
Note: The terminology I am using from an excellent textbook called Stress Management for Wellness by Walt Schafer
John,
You’re talking to me on this one! Perfectionism is something I really struggle with.
Learning to balance perfectionism with time commitment. Not easy… but it must be done.
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John,
Thanks for pointing out how important it is to consider the context when judging anything! I think this is where many of us stray from the mark–particularly those of us with more perfectionistic tendencies. We tend to have our own inflexible standards which we often apply across-the-board, rather than judging each case individually.
Great advice!
Jeanne
@ Lillie,
I’m actually not much of a perfectionist. there are other items on the list that are far bigger problems for me.
@ Meryl,
Perfectionism’s biggest downside is time.
@ Jeanne
The biggest problem comes when we judge someone by rules that they aren’t even aware of.
How true, John! How can we expect anyone to live up to our expectations when they don’t even know what those expectations are.? (Of course, whether or not they’d want to live up to those expectations, even knowing what they are, is another question entirely!)