Negative Self Talk for Writers: Negativising

Posted by John Hewitt on 7/27/2008 under Featured, Productivity, Writing |

Negativising occurs when you focus only on the negative aspects of an experience. This frequently haunts writers who subject themselves to criticism in the forms of writer’s groups, editors, clients and classes. You enter a situation in which you hear both positive feedback and negative feedback, but you only remember or think about the negative feedback.

Poor self talk: The writer’s group said that my characters seemed false and my dialog was stiff. It was just one terrible review after another.

Realistic self talk: The writer’s group said they want me to improve my dialog and work on character motivation, but they liked the overall story and they think my descriptions are evocative. If I improve the problem areas I’ll have a good story.

This problem can also occur in a work situation, such as working on a difficult assignment or interacting with a demanding boss or client.

Poor self talk: This assignment has been a non-stop nightmare. Nothing went right from beginning to end.

Realistic self talk: This was a difficult assignment. There were a lot of problems and it wasn’t quite my best work. I did finish on time though. I learned a lot and the client was happy with how it came out.

Some ways to avoid negativising

Make a written assessment of the assignment or event. Take the time to write down the bad and the good. The list doesn’t have to come out even or positive. They key is to recognize the things that were positive no matter the number.

When you feel yourself dwelling on the negative, try to determine if your memories are factual, moderate and helpful rather than distorted, extreme and harmful.

If you find yourself dwelling too much, find a distraction that will allow you to put the unpleasant situation behind you.

Note: The terminology I am using from an excellent textbook called Stress Management for Wellness by Walt Schafer.

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Chief Surgeon (1 comments) said,

Good advise - but its not always easy to break out of self-destructive thought patterns and obsessions. Your distraction suggestion is a good one. Finding an activity that is totally immersive and engrossing can really help. For me it’s music - playing guitar and production on the computer.

Chief Surgeons last blog post..Stop Having Babies to Save the Planet
John Hewitt (739 comments) said,

Thank you for the comment CS. I like your advice. You have a great site and I have added it to my RSS feeds.
Marie Ann Bailey (51 comments) said,

Great post, John! Negativism can be a daily battle for many of us. I know I’ve been guilty of negativising, and it has definitely hindered my writing efforts in the past. But as I’ve gotten older, my skin has thickened and I’ve become better at weighing criticism and catastrophes. What I *still* struggle with is working with people who focus on the negative. As my skin has thickened, my patience has thinned, and I find it hard not to go up in smoke when a coworker lets loose with yet another rant against her poor pay, blah, blah, blah. But, in order to not be negativistic, I l (try to) learn from my reactions to other people’s negativism: “Please God, I don’t want to be like them!” So, instead of fueling the flames of my frustration, I (try to) take my coworker’s ranting as just another opportunity to remind myself why I need to find the positive in what might seem to be an otherwise bleak situation.

Marie Ann Baileys last blog post..Yet Another Glass Ceiling
James Chartrand - Men with Pens (30 comments) said,

This is exactly why it’s crucial for people giving feedback to follow up a negative with a positive, or word the negative to be less hard-hitting. Gentle words don’t mean less impact.

And there’s always something good to compliment. Never leave that out.
Lillie Ammann (82 comments) said,

John,
I just gave similar advice to a friend of mine who always looks at everything in a negative light. Three things have helped her: 1) the list you suggested including some positive elements of the situation even if there are more negatives; 2) positive affirmations on cards she carries with her to review when she starts getting negative; and 3) keeping a journal where she writes one positive comment every day–or at least the most positive thing she can come up. She’s no Pollyanna yet, but she’s come a long way in being able to see the positive along with the negative.
John Hewitt (739 comments) said,

@ Marie

I understand. I have found myself negativising pretty frequently lately, which is why I wanted to revisit this information and write about it.

@ James

From the other end, yes, it is important to give positive feedback too. Unfortunately, the receiver can’t control that. Some of the other tips later will help with that.

@ Lillie

Those are some excellent tips. I would love it if people would post more tips.
max (4 comments) said,

Murphy Laws are great examples to negative thinking:
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway; If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something,etc.

I wonder if this kind of thinking, expecting the worst, actually help?

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