Comments on: 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/ Writing Career Center Thu, 18 Mar 2010 03:37:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Saul; Nadata http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-184427 Saul; Nadata Fri, 09 May 2008 03:36:38 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-184427 [Apologies. Bit of a takeoff on the assignment.] $1250/month We were shopping houses in bad neighborhoods where they don't pick up after their dogs, taking turns carrying our baby in front of us like maybe one of those fruitcakes people pretend to enjoy receiving as gifts, we were in our late twenties on a sagging porch in front of a small unexplained hole in the house's front wall with a dog's snout poking through it, while inside the house the other dogs barked and the current tenant ran around lighting incense in every room, and hiding the crack pipe, and in the kitchenette his girlfriend shot rays of hate through a cloud of greater indifference toward the ceiling fan, when the baby squealed, filled with sudden delight, realizing she was some place new. [Apologies. Bit of a takeoff on the assignment.]

$1250/month

We were shopping houses in bad neighborhoods
where they don’t pick up after their dogs,

taking turns carrying our baby in front of us
like maybe one of those fruitcakes
people pretend to enjoy receiving as gifts,

we were in our late twenties
on a sagging porch in front of a small
unexplained hole in the house’s front wall
with a dog’s snout poking through it,

while inside the house the other dogs barked
and the current tenant ran around
lighting incense in every room,
and hiding the crack pipe,

and in the kitchenette his girlfriend
shot rays of hate through a cloud
of greater indifference toward the ceiling fan,

when the baby squealed,
filled with sudden delight,
realizing she was some place new.

]]> By: Poetry in Forms Series: Cinquain | Writer's Resource Center http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-135063 Poetry in Forms Series: Cinquain | Writer's Resource Center Mon, 03 Dec 2007 19:11:18 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-135063 [...] 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter [...] [...] 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter [...]

]]> By: Poetry Writing Tips | Writer's Resource Center http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-135045 Poetry Writing Tips | Writer's Resource Center Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:49:31 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-135045 [...] 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter [...] [...] 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter [...]

]]> By: What is a Stanza? | Writer's Resource Center http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-135034 What is a Stanza? | Writer's Resource Center Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:43:32 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-135034 [...] 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter [...] [...] 30 Poems in 30 Days: The Good the Bad and the Meter [...]

]]> By: John Hewitt http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-121356 John Hewitt Sat, 06 Oct 2007 22:50:29 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-121356 Thanks for the advice everyone! Thanks for the advice everyone!

]]> By: Rianon Burnet http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-120935 Rianon Burnet Wed, 03 Oct 2007 19:48:37 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-120935 John, I love all of you poems and expressions, even this one, but I find myself agreeing with Connie and Rosemary. Keep on writing, you put a smile on my face. Your a great writer, I was once told, expect to write a bad elegy, you might surprise yourself. :) John,

I love all of you poems and expressions, even this one, but I find myself agreeing with Connie and Rosemary. Keep on writing, you put a smile on my face. Your a great writer, I was once told, expect to write a bad elegy, you might surprise yourself. :)

]]> By: John Hewitt http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-119308 John Hewitt Thu, 20 Sep 2007 02:18:44 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-119308 Thank you for the advice. The ending does feel weaker and the syntax is off. Better to quit while I am ahead. Thank you for the advice. The ending does feel weaker and the syntax is off. Better to quit while I am ahead.

]]> By: Rosemary Nissen-Wade http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-119037 Rosemary Nissen-Wade Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:26:20 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-119037 I find myself in agreement with Connie - as I so often do. I find myself in agreement with Connie – as I so often do.

]]> By: Connie Williams http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-118997 Connie Williams Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:45:32 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-118997 Some really good phrases John, "sheathed in the dirt of tonight's rain," "sweat turned into rain," and oh boy, the phone "sneaked deep" into the couch. For me, this poem ends however with "Cursing myself." Every writer finds self in the quagmire of writing their way into a work and also finding the right ending. I do however see that you want to resolve the conflict and to experience closure on the event. I have a friend who is a marvelous artist, however she refuses to allow conflict in her work. I don't know if this is good or bad, it just is; I myself, find conflict creates "remarkability." Does that make sense??? Some really good phrases John, “sheathed in the dirt of tonight’s rain,” “sweat turned into rain,” and oh boy, the phone “sneaked deep” into the couch. For me, this poem ends however with “Cursing myself.” Every writer finds self in the quagmire of writing their way into a work and also finding the right ending. I do however see that you want to resolve the conflict and to experience closure on the event. I have a friend who is a marvelous artist, however she refuses to allow conflict in her work. I don’t know if this is good or bad, it just is; I myself, find conflict creates “remarkability.” Does that make sense???

]]> By: John Hewitt http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/comment-page-1/#comment-118927 John Hewitt Mon, 17 Sep 2007 07:29:39 +0000 http://www.poewar.com/30-poems-in-30-days-the-good-the-bad-and-the-meter/#comment-118927 Cut Fabric, Sweat and Regret Tonight the rain came fast Then left just as quickly The air turned into sweat Hard smacks on the wooden Balcony and hot steam From the concrete below My phone snuck deep into My couch beyond my hand Teasing taunting mocking My wide round grasp until I cut the fabric up To get the damn thing back I sat there panting with anger Sheathed in the dirt of tonight's rain Holding my phone and staring at the rip In the neat fabric of the first new couch I had ever bought for myself Cursing the night Cursing the rain Cursing the phone Cursing whoever designed this couch Cursing myself Then I put up my knife Put he couch back where it had been Returned my text messages And carried on Another perfect ending Cut Fabric, Sweat and Regret

Tonight the rain came fast
Then left just as quickly
The air turned into sweat
Hard smacks on the wooden
Balcony and hot steam
From the concrete below

My phone snuck deep into
My couch beyond my hand
Teasing taunting mocking
My wide round grasp until
I cut the fabric up
To get the damn thing back

I sat there panting with anger
Sheathed in the dirt of tonight’s rain
Holding my phone and staring at the rip
In the neat fabric of the first new couch
I had ever bought for myself

Cursing the night
Cursing the rain
Cursing the phone
Cursing whoever designed this couch
Cursing myself

Then I put up my knife
Put he couch back where it had been
Returned my text messages
And carried on

Another perfect ending

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