Holding my breath with a fake smile

Today you burned me, you sent me to hell.
If I let anyone see the real me,
I know they’d do the same.
So now and forever, I’ll hold my breath
And fake a smile, doing what you want me to.

Yes, I know I’m your puppet.
I see my strings, I feel when you pull them.
Even though I know I can cut them, I wont.
I choose to be your puppet today.

I believe your lies, knowing there fake and hollow.
I don’t want to, but I wont listen to myself.
Today, just like the ones before.
I’ll pretend I’m living the way I want, my own free will.

For now, just I’m just holding my breath.
With this fake smile dancing upon my lips.
You don’t notice the look in my eye, my plan.
For one day soon, I’ll have cut my string from you.

My meditative state
does tend to motivate
and help me cultivate
my inner clown.
I become un-inhibited therefore
I am Un-limited except for the
the inability to move or make a sound.

Meditation can be quite beneficial
in many different ways.
It can also be quite mystical
and put you in a Zen like hazy daze.

There are many people who
will find it very hard to do.
To clear your mind against it’s will,
to sit in silence and be very still.
And while the cramp in your leg
may not actually kill you
The grueling boredom most
certainly will.

Sorry guys, it took a little more than 5 minutes of meditation and still, this was all I could muster.
I loved everyones else’s work BTW,especially Rianon’s poem good work.

burning city skylines
would sound like savvy-blues-bass
-tracks swelling over panicked harbors

& their promises to forget the taste
of vodka would make our children laugh
as if summer lasted forever

& we could finally sing
believing the sun really loves us

believing our father’s words & God
are the same thing

believing our fingerprints weaving together
is more than just science

& home, our fathers would know us
better than breathing

know us better
than songs
they slept to

know us like blurry,
know us like Forget its
know us like I’m sorries.

but believing is a friend I never met
in some great city I’ll never see
on a planet I’m just leaving–

–spinning, trying to laugh at myself
& understand

& save
what is left.

“Take at least five minutes to meditate in a quite room free of outside influences before you write today’s poem.”
–30 Poems in 30 Days

Never allow that kind
of quiet into my life.

Making the fresh, New England snow
into a giant caterpillar climbing
a cedar tree, the girl I loved
turned to me and said,
Can you stop talking for a minute?

And later, my silent college roommate
with phenomenal email skills
told me, over dinner,
that I’d probably used up
all my words for the day.

My professor pulled me aside
and said, You tell too many jokes.

But the beauty of the dorm
was that there was always
another person awake,
wandering between the mistuned pianos,
holding the book that just
revealed the story of his life,
desperate for somebody to listen.

I am free
of anything wrong
just for tonight
I’ll breath calmly
just for tonight
I wont worry about anything
my head is light
my body takes form of a feather

I go where the wind takes me
I’ll go with your flow
just for now I am what I am
you are on your own
my body is free of poison
I feel pure and innocent
If only for just one night
If only just for one sitting

I feel confortable
and satisfied
my body is mine
my body is perfect
I am free spirited
Love

Early Bird

I get up at five in the morning
I don’t remember falling asleep
It must have been just after I ate
Which isn’t good
But it isn’t the first time

I open the motel room door
And the air is already hot
Or still hot really
It’s September
Shouldn’t this part
At least this part
Have cooled off by now

I walk barefoot to my van
Braving the sharp pebbles of the parking lot
To search for the shaving cream
I could have sworn I brought with me
But no luck
I will have to settle for bar soap
And hand lotion
A solution I came to long ago
At lease I have lotion
It’s harder without the lotion

I shave
The first strip of skin doesn’t respond well
But then it is ok
I get dressed
Go to work
Get there before the security guards
Have made it to their posts
In two hours I complete every task I had scheduled
A whole day finished
With eight hours left
To stare at and waste
Until I brave the hot air
Back to the hotel room
Eat dinner
And fall asleep
Or watch TV
Or stare at the ceiling
Whichever option the night gives me

I pass the time until I can go home
Driving fast down the freeway
One hundred thirty miles back
Back to my wife
Back to my family
Back to my friends
Back to obligations that mean something
To me