Option Paralysis and the Technical Writer

Option Paralysis: The tendency, when given unlimited choices, to make none. – Douglas Coupland

The saying goes, you can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want. That is a problem that I’ve been struggling with for quite some time. I have spent the past several years settling for what I can stand, rather than what I truly enjoy. In a way, I have been challenging to see just how much I can put up with and still function. I would commute for two hours a day to work for eight hours a day and then come home and write / work on my blog for another three to four hours a day.  Last winter, after two years of keeping up this grueling schedule, I gave up on my blogging. This is unfortunate because writing this blog was by far the most enjoyable of the tasks that were in front of me.

I have been a technical writer for fifteen years. On my best days, I am great at this job. When the challenge is right and my interest is peaked, I can work magic. Unfortunately, the opportunity to work magic comes up only on occasion. Last summer and fall was one of those times. I was working with a talented and energetic partner, and we did some great work. For a period of over three months, I actually looked forward to getting up in the morning and doing what I was good at. Eventually though, the situation changed and I went back to forcing myself to go to work every day. In June though, I got lucky. I lost my job.

I had lost a lucrative job and all of the security that comes with it. The job market was terrible so my prospects seemed weak. I had mortgage payments, car payments, student loan payments, utilities and a grocery bill to worry about. On occasion, I was scared out of my skull. Most of the time, however, I was happy. I had lost a job, but I had gained ten to eleven hours of my day. My stress level dropped. I stopped having to drink Coffee and Monster energy drinks just to get through the day.

I even managed to keep making money. That was the strangest part of all. The Internet took a shine to me. I found that magic money making formula that Tim Ferris and all of those ads on Facebook claim to have. I figured it out myself though, and unlike them I’m not telling anyone what it is. My site has never been about getting rich on the Internet and it never will be. Sorry.

The upshot of all this is that I have freedom for the first time in a long time. I can do what I want to do. I can write what I want to write. I can pick any direction I please. This has brought on a case of option paralysis. Do I return to blogging? Do I look for that “perfect” technical writing job? Do I pick a new career path?

I am free. Now what?

As I pulled up in front of my house, I noticed that my van was on fire

As I pulled up in front of my house, I noticed that my van was on fire. More specifically, the driver’s side rear tire, which had slowly been coming apart for the past few miles, was now producing acrid black smoke and I could hear the soft crackle of flames. The temperature outside was 108 degrees. There was no telling how hot the asphalt was, but frying eggs was certainly a possibility. Still, flaming tires seemed a bit excessive. Hadn’t Mythbusters just proved that this couldn’t happen?

I’ll be honest. I’ve had better summers. The season started with me getting fired. The offense was that I allowed a relatively minor company document to get indexed by Google. I had used one of my own ftp sites to send the file home, and I had forgotten to remove the document. Google found it, information security found it on Google, and I found myself out of a job. In years past, such an infraction would have gotten me a warning at best, but times have changed. My termination was soon followed by a substantial round of layoffs at the company. Virtually every benefit, from medical to profit sharing to the 401k has either been eliminated or substantially reduced. I fully expect that there will be more layoffs. The company has some major problems and it may or may not survive

I went into the house to fill up a pail of water. Unfortunately I didn’t have a pail, so I used a two-liter soda bottle. The water pressure was particularly bad the day. In the summer, in the desert, the water pressure at two in the afternoon is light at best. Before I even finished filling the bottle, the tire exploded. I ran out and splashed water on the fire, but it was too late for minor measures. My neighbor had his hose in the front yard, so I ran and grabbed it. The water was barely strong enough to reach the fire, which was making its way toward the gas tank. I focused the water on that spot.

Getting fired had not been in my plans. In fact, I had been making a special effort at to work to eliminate any possible issues. In a casual work environment, I had begun wearing long sleeves and ties. I had eliminated every remotely cynical decoration and covered my cubical with inspirational slogans and the company’s “customer covenant”. I had tried to make myself fireproof, but there’s always something out there that can get you. For me it had been a nightmare project four months earlier. We’d been given an outrageous deadline to put out a product that was clearly not ready. We’d been told to “think outside the box” and do what it takes to succeed. I was operating on almost no sleep and battling a cold that had dragged on for months. Somewhere in all that chaos, I started sending files back and forth from home so I could keep working. This was not an approved activity, and even though I had my manager’s consent, I knew it was a risk. That was why I stopped after the company came to the sad realization that its dream product was a polished turd and gave up. Unfortunately, I forgot about the file, even as Google was discovering it. Four months later, it exploded in my face.

An explosion was exactly what I was trying to avoid with the van. Unfortunately, as even I know, water is not the most effective way to put out a fire, especially when oil and gasoline are involved. In this case, however, I got lucky. Two neighbors appeared, each with their own fire extinguisher. They didn’t quite manage to put the fire out with them, but they got it away from the gas tank and eventually we managed to put the rest of the fire out with the hose. By the time the fire truck arrived, we were already cleaning up the mess and pondering the damage. We drank some ice water together and then I went to call my insurance company. Eventually I collapsed on the couch and spent the rest of the night coughing up the remains of smoke and fire-retardant powder.

When you get fired, you have to combat a lot of issues at once. You are depressed that you failed. You are angry that you were rejected. You are worried about your finances and your reputation. You have to contend with everyone, EVERYONE, that you know asking you what you are going to do next. You question your actions and try to figure out what you could have or should have done differently. I updated my resume on all the job boards. I bought a new set of business cards. I contacted old friends. I created a new portfolio site.  I found ways to dramatically increase my Internet income. My wife and I cut out all of our unnecessary expenses.

The van had caught fire as I was arriving home from an interview. My portfolio, my friends, even my business card had come together to bring me a new opportunity. A few days later I got the call. We want you. I am an independent again. I am a freelancer for hire, and I have my first contract. Life is good… but I need a new car.